"LIFE'S A BEACH"
BY LEE PFEIFFER
When it comes to defining cinematic guilty pleasures, one need not look any further than the lame-brained beach movies that were marketed to teenagers in the mid-1960s. The formula started in 1963 with "Beach Party", teaming Annette Funicello and Frankie Avalon for the first time as loved-starved teens who are addicted to fun and sun in the surf. The film was such a hit that it spawned numerous sequels, delighting producers Samuel Z. Arkoff and James H. Nicholson and American International, which was mining gold by making big profits from low-budget productions. The beach series didn't vary much in terms of content and many of the most popular actors were utilized in each successive film. There were also simlarly-themed films starring Avalon in different geographical settings ("Pajama Party", "Ski Party"). But if the beach series burned brightly, its flame was short-lived. By 1965, the young audiences that initially craved this fare were moving on to more sophisticated movies. The Beatles had made two movies by then and they defined what was hip. Suddenly, the perpetual horndog males and the virginal girls they were perpetually trying to seduce seemed about as cutting edge as an episode of "Leave It to Beaver". By the time the final entry in the series, "How to Stuff a Wild Bikini" limped into theaters in 1965, the bloom was off the rose. This time around, even fans of Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello were disappointed. The script has them in different parts of the globe and they are only seen together briefly at the conclusion. Making matters worse, their appearances in the film are abbreviated with most of the screen time going to supporting players. As was the norm in these films, well known mature character actors are cast in humorous roles apparently to ensure that any parents in the audience stay awake. In this case, we have the legendary Buster Keaton and Mickey Rooney along with the rather bizarre casting of Brian Donlevy. Go figure.
This time around Frankie (who is cleverly cast as a character named "Frankie") is in the U.S. Navy and assigned to Tahiti, where is he basking in the affections of the local beauties including lovely Irene Tsu. The implication is that the Tahitian girls are far more liberal in terms of sexual activities than their American counterparts and its hinted that monogamy isn't a high priority for them. Frankie is understandably intoxicated by having his own harem until he begins to fret that his fiancee, Dee Dee (Annette Funicello) might also be tempted to stray during his long absence. He seeks the advice of the local medicine man (Keaton), who comes up with a strategy: he will concoct a beautiful girl, Casandra, to suddenly appear in the midst of Frankie's beach crowd and prove to be so desirable that every guy in the group will spend their time trying to seduce her instead of pursuing Dee Dee. (This is somewhat of an insult to Dee Dee, implying she would no longer turn heads in the presence of the mystery woman, who is played by Beverly Adams.) The ploy doesn't work because there is indeed a potential suitor for Dee Dee- local playboy Ricky (Dwayne Hickman). Dee Dee plays along, nursing anger and broken heart when she learns that Frankie is not remaining chaste. There is a crazy subplot involving Rooney as a manic marketing executive working for greedy tycoon Donlevy. They scheme to woo Casandra to make her the national model for their brand of motorcycles. In the midst of all this are zany fights, humor that is juvenile enough to alienate the average 10 year-old and climactic (and seemingly) endless cycle race that is filmed in the Keystone Cops mode. One can only suspect that Avalon saw the script and demanded a reduced role. Funicello, who was pregnant at the time, is often relegated to sitting alone on the beach attired in beach wear that skillfully hides this fact. If all of this sounds awful, it plays out on the screen even worse. The only saving grace is some genuinely amusing bits from Keaton and a brief "Bewitched"-inspired cameo by Elizabeth Montgomery, whose presence here is attributed to the fact that she was married to the director/screenwriter William Asher. Even the rock group the Kingsmen aren't used strategically. Instead of playing their smash hit "Louie Louie", they are relegated to performing an instantly forgettable tune. There is some estimable talent behind the scenes including the esteemed cinematographer Floyd Crosby and composer Lex Baxter, both slumming in search of a quick pay check. Watching the film from the standpoint of a more enlightened era, its astonishing how crass the treatment of the young actresses is. In some shots, they are filmed minus such unnecessary appendages as their heads, as the camera lingers on only the parts that jiggle.
One hates to be a curmudgeon about such simple fare and it is necessary to view it in the context of the era in which it was made. But there lies the rub: "How to Stuff a Wild Bikini" was considered awful even back in 1965 and time has not been kind to it. The Olive Blu-ray has a very nice transfer, though. An original trailer is the only bonus feature.
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