BY LEE PFEIFFER
The 1969 film version of Woody Allen's Cold War comedy "Don't Drink the Water" comes to Blu-ray through Kino Lorber. If the film is remembered at all, it's usually disparaged by Allen fans who lament his complete lack of involvement in any aspect of the production, probably because he was simultaneously prepping his own directorial and starring role debut in "Take the Money and Run". Allen's comedy had a sensational run on Broadway, with over 500 performances after debuting in 1966. The story centers on the Hollander family, its grumpy patriarch, Walter (Jackie Gleason) and his devoted wife Marion (Estelle Parsons). Walter is a top caterer in Newark, New Jersey and is preparing for a high profile event that will see him earn a good sum of money. First, however, he's being dragged off on a European vacation with Marion and their teenage daughter Susan (Joan Delaney), who is very much into the "mod" scene of the era, much to Walter's disdain. En route to Athens, however, the plane is hijacked and lands in a Soviet satellite country. Although the pilot assures everyone that diplomatic channels will ensure they will take off shortly for their original destination, the Hollanders make the mistake of getting off the plane to take some photos despite the fact that they are surrounded by heavily armed security forces under the direction of fanatical communist intelligence chief Krojack (Michael Constantine), who attempts to arrest them for being spies. Walter spots a nearby limousine belonging to the U.S. consulate and convinces the acting ambassador, Axel Magee (Ted Bessell) to race them to the safety of the embassy in a madcap chase with Krojack and his goons in hot pursuit. Inside the embassy, they learn that Axel is the incompetent son of the esteemed ambassador (Howard St. John), who has just left on a diplomatic mission. It isn't long before Walter turns into the typical "Ugly American" and is barking insults and commands, expecting to be released immediately into U.S. custody. Obviously, things don't go well. The Hollanders find themselves victims of an international incident and are warned to prepare for a prolonged stay at the embassy, as the inept Axel attempts to find a solution and Walter sweats getting back home in time for the catering event.
The film was directed by Howard Morris, a veteran character actor and respected director of top sitcoms of the era. Indeed, the film plays out like an extended TV production and its merits largely rest on Gleason's broad shoulders, as he indulges in his characteristic "slow burns" and temper tantrums, especially when he finds a budding romance between Susan and Axel. The embassy houses another refugee, a European priest, Father Drobney (Richard Libertini), who is also wanted by Krojack for subversive activities. Libertini provides some of the few genuine laughs as the lovable priest tries to demonstrate his inept skills as a magician. There are a few yucks scattered throughout and the film doesn't play out as badly as its reputation might indicate, but much of the mayhem feels about as flat as a week-old pancake. This is rather surprising because the screenplay was entrusted to two of the top comedy writers of the time period, Harvey Bullock and R.S. Allen. However, what made audiences howl in live theater proves to be difficult to transfer to the silver screen. Gleason is Gleason, essentially playing his standard character. For those of us weaned on his TV shows, he comes across very well. To the uninitiated, he's probably just an insufferable grouch. Parsons, who was a recent Oscar winner for "Bonnie and Clyde" is stranded in an underwritten role that doesn't do justice to her comedic skills, but Delaney is quite charming and Ted Bessell provides some personality to a bland, one-note role.
Some of the blame must be assigned to Howard Morris, who probably felt confined by the restraints of the script. Full disclosure: I knew Morris and he was a genuinely hilarious person on screen and off. He specialized in theatre of the absurd and had only recently gravitated to directing feature films. However, the scripts he was offered were generally very conventional. In the final scenes of "Don't Drink the Water" in which Hollanders disguise themselves as an Arab sheik and his harem to affect their escape, Morris gives in to his impulses and goes full-throttle for the absurd angle (even appearing in a cameo role). However, the climax of the film doesn't match with the earlier aspects of the movie, which are grounded somewhat in realism, thus making for a fairly dreadful finale. Nevertheless, "Don't Drink the Water" isn't a terrible film. It has provides a few giggles and some other delights, but overall it's a missed opportunity.
The Kino Lorber Blu-ray features a commentary track by film historians Howard S. Berger and Nathaniel Thompson, who are ubiquitous on KL releases. The track is highly engaging because they provide plenty of interesting background on the film (which was shot at a studio in Miami Beach to ensure Gleason wasn't far from is favorite golf course and exteriors were filmed in Quebec.) They also refreshingly staunchly defend the film, pointing out its assets, which include wonderful, mod opening titles and a zesty score by Patrick Williams, who also provides the corny-but-toe-tapping title song. They also argue that the movie is an unappreciated gem, which only proves that comedy can't be debated because you can never force a viewer to laugh at scenes they find inherently unfunny. Nevertheless, one has to respect their defense of a comedy that even Woody Allen so disdained that he felt compelled to remake it for television in the 1990s. The Blu-ray also features an abundance of comedy trailers for KL releases.
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