REVIEW: THE 79TH ANNUAL ACADEMY AWARDS
Cinema Retro
By Lee Pfeiffer It's become an annual ritual to smear the Oscar telecast. To keep one's
credentials as as a smug entertainment journalist, it's vital to indulge in the pack mentality that
mandates one is compelely unimpressed with virtually every aspect of the show. In fairness, those who
produce the telecasts have often been masters of forming circular firing squads and providing plenty of
red meat for the wolves in the entertainment press. Despite almost universally negative reviews, this
year's ceremony may have been one of the longest, but was far from the worst. Here's a round-up of
random observations:
Hostess Ellen DeGeneres was a weak choice
for the pivotal role as host of the ceremonies. She was congenial and classy and avoided the temptation
to use the expletives that characterize almost every other stand-up comics routines, but she was also a
complete lightweight whose "barely there" presence was reflected in her tame jokes. This type
of coffee klatch material may play well on her daytime TV show, but was woefully inappropriate for the
Oscars. DeGeneres, a lesbian, did serve as a reminder of how far the film industry has come in terms of
tolerance but one would have hoped for more biting wit. Whatever trials and tribulations gays have been
subjected to over the centuries, being accused of lacking wit was not among them. Yet, here was Ellen,
meandering into the audience and making nice as though she was out to convince the Christian Right she
was the lesbian you'd want to take home to mamma. The routine of kibbitzing with famed directors wore
out immediately, leaving the likes of Martin Scorsese, Clint Eastwood and Steven Spielberg looking
surprised and uncomfortable at having been drafted into Ellen's lame routine. DeGeneres also did not
participate in any of the production numbers or comedy acts, making it all the more glaring how much we
miss Billy Crystal. The likeable Ms. DeGeneres should also engage in a life-long revenge plot against
her fashion designer (Gucci) who outfitted her in bizarre, unflattering clothing that played up the
nasty stereotypical belief that lesbians can't look glamorous. Ellen's debut outfit in the show, a red
velvet suit with white wing tip shoes made her appear to be the hostess at Disney's Frontierland
resort. Don't fear about an encore, however- she has already taken her rightful place inside the Oscar
Hall of Shame with other "one shot" hosts like David Letterman, John Stewart and Chris Rock.
Oscar's attempts to be hip by hiring TV comics has fallen as flat as a pancake. Additionally, doesn't
Oscar owe it to the international audience to provide a host that people in other countries may have
heard of? The Academy keeps priding itself on its inclusiveness when it comes to foreign films, but how
about providing a host with international appeal? These folks have as much name recognition overseas as
Joe Franklin. - The opening montage of sound bites constructed by Oscar-winning documentary
maker Errol Morris was meant to give every nominee some face time during the broadcast. This might have
been appreciated by a few dozen households relating to the nominees' families and friends, but mid-way
through this seemingly endless sequence, I kept expecting an intermission.
- There were other
well-intentioned but unimpressive film montages that were totally superfluous including a pointless
sequence showing how America is depicted in movies, how writers are depicted in film and a tribute to
the most influential foreign language films that shed no interesting perspectives and somehow managed to
exclude La Dolce Vita, perhaps the most influential foreign film of the 1960s.
- There
were other aspects of the show that were creative and entertaining. A musical number featuring Will
Ferrell, John C. Reilly and Jack Black cleverly lampooned how the Academy routinely ignores the worth of
comedic performances. The Pilobus Dance Theater provided some amazing (but thankfully brief)
representations of nominated films by contorting their bodies...well, you had to be there to see it. A
unique choir provided impressive sound effects for silent film footage, imitating trains, planes and
automobiles so convincingly, that every low-budget filmmaker must be trying to contact them for his next
production.
- The lack of star power has long been a problem with Oscar telecasts in recent
years. Try as it may, AMPAS just can't convince many of the dwindling number of true industry icons to
attend the ceremonies. True, Jack Nicholson (as bald as Lex Luthor for a forthcoming film), Catherine
Deneuve (looking more spectacular than ever),Tom Hanks, George Clooney and Tom Cruise attended and added
some glitz to the evening, as did John Travolta, Leonardo DiCaprio Will Smith, Nicole Kidman and new
Bond Daniel Craig. However, where were Paul Newman, Robert Redford, Elizabeth Taylor, Sean Connery,
Michael Caine and so many others? It isn't the fault of AMPAS that the star system is an endangered
species. When once we had the likes of Bette Davis, James Stewart, Barbara Stanwyck, William Holden,
Richard Burton, Burt Lancaster and John Wayne routinely attending, today's ceremonies may attract the
top box-office names but seem to lack the glamour of years past.
- There weren't many surprises
in the choice of winners. Finally, the Academy had an opportunity to hand Martin Scorese his
long-awaited Best Director prize as well as Best Picture to his gangster film The Departed. While
the film doesn't have the impact of Scorese's Taxi Driver, Raging Bull and Goodfellas,
criticism that he was given the prize for a lightweight, "for the money" film is unfounded.
The Departed is a potentially great film, marred only by its abrupt and unsatisfying climax.
Still, there was a virtually audible sigh of relief among AMPAS brass when Marty finally got his due.
Their long, national nightmare of ignoring one of America's great filmmakers is now over. As expected,
Helen Mirren (still one of the screen's sexiest women despite being Botox-free) won Best Actress for
her remarkable performance in The Queen - one of the best roles afforded an actress in recent
years. Forrest Whittaker's win for The Last King of Scotland was deserverd and expected, though
it will probably cause Peter O'Toole to take up selling Ginzu knives as a profession. The legendary
acting genius made it clear he did not want this to be his eight go-round as a bridesmaid, and not the
bride. Alan Arkin picked up the Supporting Actor award for his hilarious performance in Little Miss
Sunshine, but considering he's waited forty years for the honor and is a distinguished actor, why
on earth did he have to read his acceptance speech from a piece of crumbled paper as though he was the
host of a bachelor party roast at the local Elks Lodge? Sentimental favorite Jennifer Hudson's win for
Supporting Actress for Dreamgirls provided a sentimental and emotionally moving moment, but the
real satisfaction is knowing that she had been dismissed by blowhard Simon Cowell as an American Idol
final contender. Talk about sweet revenge!
- None of the fashions were particularly memorable.
Nothing to rival the garish, over-the-top days of Cher, but neither were they embarrassing either. I've
given up waiting for this "passing craze" of male sex symbols wearing straight ties with
tuxedos to pass. It's here to stay, but it never looks right. The timeless look of any guy in a
standard black tux and bow tie is still far more flattering. Even worse are the actors who pretentiously
try to prove how unimpressed they are with glamour by wearing no tie at all. Instead of looking hip,
they look like they should be delivering pizzas. Can you imagine Cary Grant showing up at the Oscars
dressed in such a manner?
- Perhaps out of desperation, Jerry Seinfeld - who is as relevant to the
motion picture industry today as Ben Turpin- was invited to present the award for Best Documentary on
the thin guise that he was the subject of a documentary film a few years ago. The audience was simply
grateful for his presence as Seinfeld delivered some brief insights and jokes that made it apparent he
would be an excellent choice for next year's job as host for the ceremonies. The winner was An
Inconvenient Truth,for which Al Gore was the defacto producer. The film had been labeled as the
favorite to win - an understatement akin to saying Britney Spears might check of of rehab before the
therapy is completed. The victory of the Gore film, an in-your-face warning about the dangers of global
warming, was virtually pre-determined. Did anyone think the Academy voters, who have still been nursing
hangovers since the Bush election "theft" of 2000, resist the opportunity to have a former
Vice President on their stage? Actually, Gore made two appearances. He was brought on stage for the
acceptance speech ritual, but earlier had appeared with Leonardo DiCaprio in a cringe-inducing segment
in which Big Al was annointed as a male Jean Dixon for alerting us to the planet's imminent demise.
Strangely, what remained unmentioned was the fact that Gore didn't act much like an
environmentally-charged Paul Revere during his eight years in the White House. Yes, he had talked the
talk occasionally, but when it came to stepping on the toes of those donors from big, energy-wasting
corporations, he was as silent as Marcel Marceau. Still, Gore was subdued and devoid of the
fire-and-brimstone ranting he was indulging in a couple of years ago. He even got a laugh when he was
presumably about to read an annoucement about running for president, only to be cut off by the orchestra
for "running long." It was historic to see a Vice President on the Oscar stage, but not
surprising. We long ago passed the point where actors want to emulate statesmen. Today, it is the other
way around. In any event, the auditorium crowd cheered Al and the news that this Oscar ceremonies had
"gone green" - whatever implications an evironmentally-friendly Academy Awards ceremony might
entail. The audience undoubtedly later filed out of the auditorium and promptly took a fleet of
gas-guzzling, 50 foot stretch limos to congratulate themselves on doing their bit to save old Mother
Earth. Surprisingly, the political messages onstage didn't extend to Bush-bashing. Considering the
president's popularity ratings are beneath Paris Hilton's I.Q., it must have taken a superhuman
effort.
- The Best Song catagory continues to be a joke. There hasn't been a memorable tune to
cop the award since Henry Mancini was in diapers. The same industry that once gave us Moon River
last year awarded the prize to a ludicrous rap song and this year made sure it gave the Gore film the
honor for Melissa Etheridge's instantly forgettable tune about the world's imminent destruction. In
case the yokels in middle America were still not aware of the song's message, a electronic blackboard
spelled out the threats in nice big letters. Nothing puts me in the mood for some good movie music like
envisioning the destruction of planet earth. The other songs were equally forgettable, including the
over-rated, over-produced screeching and squawking numbers from Dreamgirls. The award should be
graciously retired and only given on an exception basis in the years to come.
- What could have
been the highlight of the evening - the presentation of a lifetime achievement award to legendary
composer Ennio Morricone - was marred by a number of factors. It was a stroke of genius to have the
award presented by Clint Eastwood. However, Eastwood blew several key lines and confessed to not having
brought his eyeglasses, thus rendering his teleprompter a blur. Eastwood was also forced to stand like a
statue next to the mercurial (but humble on this evening) Morricone, who gave a long acceptance speech
in Italian that dragged on forever while Eastwood translated. It's the kind of staging that might be a
necessary evil at a presidential summit conference, but was out of place at the Oscars.
- The
show should dispense with the services of Chris Connelly, who did the backstage "color" in a
patronizing and humorless manner that made old Army Archerd look like Edward R. Murrow. The gimmick was
not even followed through consistently, making Connelly appear as though he were a gatecrasher stumbling
about among the winners.
- It was an indication of the presumption that Martin Scorsese would win
this year that Francis Ford Coppola, George Lucas and Steven Spielberg were brought on to present the
award for Best Director - reminding us that there are still some titanic talents left in the film
business (though Coppola seems to be more intent on running his winery in recent years.) The ploy worked
when Scorsese strode onstage to stand among his contemporaries. (Can you imagine if anyone else had won?
Talk about an awkward moment!) It was moving and classy end to an otherwise mediocre
ceremony.
Reviewing the Oscar ceremonies is about as pointless as writing an in-depth
analysis of the new Adam Sandler movie. We all know pretty much what to expect and although it may be
regarded as a guilty pleasure, we'll all be there next year. Much of the success or failure of the
evening depends on who is hosting the show, so here's a suggestion. Stop hiring lightweight comedians
and use today's CGI technology to dust off old clips of Bob Hope and Johnny Carson. Add some carefully
redubbed contemporary jokes and- Presto! Old Oscar is back in his glory days. CINEMA
RETRO'S OSCAR SCRAPBOOK (all photos copyright AMPAS.)
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