By Lee Pfeiffer
If you asked anyone who is a fan of Sixties spy movies "In what film did Donald Pleasence play a rich, brilliant international criminal mastermind?", the answer would be obvious: "You Only Live Twice", in which Pleasence portrayed the evil Spectre mastermind Ernst Stavro Blofeld. However, there is another answer that would be equally correct: "Matchless", an unheralded long-forgotten spy spoof made by Italians and shot in such diverse locations as Germany, America and England. Pleasence plays Gregori Andreanu, the main villain of the piece, but he doesn't appear until well into the running time. The film opens with American journalist Perry Liston being creatively tortured by Communist Chinese soldiers who suspect he is a spy. In reality, Liston writes a popular newspaper column under the nom de plume "Matchless", the significance of which is never explained- along with other key plot points. For example, I don't recall if Liston ever does explain to anyone why he is China, but in this fast-moving comedy-adventure, plot points come and go with such rapidity that they may well be regarded as dispensable. While in jail, Liston shows pity on a fellow prisoner, an elderly Chinese man who, before dying, bequeaths to him a magic ring that will allow the wearer to become invisible. There are only two catches: the invisibility only lasts for 20 minutes and can only be utilized once every ten hours. (The team of five screenwriters must have been under the influence of something drinkable to come up with this zany concept.) Much to Liston's surprise, the device works and he escapes from prison, conveniently hiding in a nearby house that happens to belong to a single, gorgeous, horny young woman who even more conveniently happens to be taking a shower. She is startled by Liston's ability to be invisible but not for long. Once he appears in the flesh, it's under the covers for both of them.
The scene then switches to the United States where high level military personnel are subjecting Liston to the same torture applied by the Chinese, which involves tying the victim to a large canister that revolves at lightning speed in much the same way you get a paint can mixed at Home Depot. Again, I can't recall if it's explained how Liston ended up in the U.S. and why he is being tortured, but he is quickly enlisted by two members of the top Army brass, General Shapiro (Howard St. John) and his fawning sidekick Colonel Coolpepper (Sorel Brooke) to undertake a dangerous mission to Europe where he is to ingratiate himself with Andreanu, secure his confidence and somehow steal of case of chemical vials in his possession (though it's never explained what they are or why they are dangerous to the world.) Liston agrees and sets off to London, where somehow he is stalked for assassination by Hank Norris (Henry Silva), an American who was in the Chinese prison. How did he get out and become an assassin? Who knows. Just go with the flow. From there, the unflappable and capable Liston encounters deceitful, beautiful women and numerous villains in between making a series of narrow escapes thanks to his ability to temporarily become invisible. (One downside to the ability is that his clothes remain visible, so each time he wants to disappear, he has to ditch his clothing and often reemerge naked, a running gag used throughout the film.) When Liston finally meets Andreanu, they both pretend they like each other while following the old spy movie tradition of having each man obviously know that the other is his mortal enemy.
"Matchless" is an off-the-charts weird movie in every sense but it's also a lot of fun. Patrick O'Neal, who rarely scored a leading role in his career as a popular supporting actor, is well cast here. He seems to be having a ball playing a hero who is more Derek Flint than Bond. He's handsome, debonair and has the ability to toss out bon mots even when staring at deadly threats. Donald Pleasence gets an equally rare chance to show his comedic abilities and he's delightful playing an eccentric and ruthless megalomaniac. As with most of these lower-grade Bond-inspired spy flicks of the era, this one makes up for its shortcomings by supplying an endless bevy scantily clad women including Ira von Furstenberg (a real life princess), Nicoletta Machiavelli and Elisabeth Wu, who between them expose heaving bosoms and plenty of flesh, all the while dolled up in those marvelous mod fashions of the era. There are cheesy attempts to emulate Maurice Binder's trademark James Bond opening credits and an equally cheesy Bond-style title song ( future legend Ennio Morricone was one of the three credited composers). But the production values are better than you might imagine and the stunts and action scenes work quite well. (Liston utilizes an amphibious car a full decade before Bond did in "The Spy Who Loved Me"). Director Alberto Lattuada keeps the action going non-stop and makes the most of the Continental appeal of the European locations. One of the funniest aspects of the film is unintentional: the dubbing is terrible to the point of being of laugh-out-loud caliber. It appears that everyone other than O'Neal and Pleasence has been dubbed, including (inexplicably) Henry Silva, who was an American actor of repute. Silva gives a maniacal and very funny performance and, as with Pleasence, he seems to be relishing the opportunity to play a comedic role.
It should be noted that the deceitful American marketing campaign disguised the fact that "Matchless" is a comedy and presented it as straight spy thriller. One can only imagine the reaction of the gobsmacked viewers who were expecting a tense Cold War thriller and instead were treated to a film that was more akin to a Jerry Lewis production. I don't want to overstate the attributes of "Matchless" but it is an
unexpectedly enjoyable romp. If you're idea of good viewing is
"Operation Kid Brother", then this one is for you.
(The film is currently streaming on Screenpix, a subscription service available through Amazon Prime, Roku, YouTube and Apple TV for $2.99 a month.)