CINEMA RETRO'S EDITOR-IN-CHIEF BRAVELY GOES AGAINST THE GRAIN AND TAKES ON THE NEW HIT MOVIE VERSION OF GET SMART

When I finally caught up with the new Get Smart feature film that is doing sensational business in its opening week, I couldn't help but think of Orson Welles and Citizen Kane. You read that right: Orson Welles and Citizen- FRICKIN'- Kane. I asked myself how Welles directed, wrote and starred in that masterpiece at age 23 while it took two screen writers and countless millions of dollars to turn out Get Smart - especially since the movie is so needlessly convoluted that within five minutes I couldn't even remember what the main aspect of the plot was about. First the good news: this isn't a disaster in the way that most other big screen adaptations of classic TV series generally turn out to be. That's about the only good news. Aside from some inspired casting choices, the film is a dud and will best be appreciated by young people with little knowledge or interest in the fact that it is based on a far superior TV series. The movie is clearly catering to the tween set, with plenty of gross-out jokes and sexual innuendos - but it only illustrates how low family film entertainment has gotten when such elements are the norm. Steve Carell plays the role of Agent 86, Maxwell Smart - a character immortalized by Don Adams. Carell is adequately cast. He looks square enough to have stepped out of a time warp but he plays the role in a deadpan, understated manner that contrasts with Adams' shrill, high profile style. The result is that Carell is overshadowed by virtually everyone else in the movie. Not helping matters is the fact that Smart is, well, too smart...There is precious little of the bumbling antics of the TV Maxwell Smart, who, in Clouseau-like manner, managed to crack every case by sheer happenstance. The TV Smart wasn't an idiot, just a klutz, but the Carell character is actually fairly competent, which deprives the film of many potential pratfalls and belly laughs. There are the cursory nods to the show's iconic images: the Cone of Silence (not nearly as funny as when utilized on the series), the telephone booth, the old shoe phone and the red Sunbeam convertible (creatively worked into the story as part of a museum exhibit). There are also several outright homages to James Bond films: a dress tearing tactic right out of Licence to Kill and an extended sky diving battle that emulates Moonraker to the point of including a villain with a remarkable resemblance to Richard Kiel's Jaws. The latter sequence is exravagant and ambitiious, but - God forgive me for actually saying these words - the scene in Moonraker was better! There is also a tasteless bathroom gag that is taken virtually verbatim from the first Austin Powers movie, but it barely works here because of the leaden direction of Peter Segal. His track record is pretty thin, but he direct the final Naked Gun film (though the weakest of the trio) and the very underrated comedy My Fellow Americans that paired Jack Lemmon and James Garner. However, he also directs Adam Sandler movies. 'Nuff said.

The one element of the film I feared most was the casting of Agent 99, but I was pleasantly surprised and impressed by Anne Hathaway's performance. She is not only sexy enough to make you (temporarily) forget the image of Barbara Feldon, but she also shows a deft ability to handle one-liners. Sadly, however, the script resorts to the oldest of cliches: it has Max and 99 meeting cute, her disdaining him then being reluctantly paired as his partner. You don't have to be Kreskin to predict what happens next: they learn to respect one another and fall in love. This concept more moss on it than a tree in a bayou swamp. 99 is presented as an Emma Peel- like heroine, adept at martial arts and a propensity for kicking guys in groin. I gave up counting after seeing this act take place five times. Memo to producers: it's time to retire the groin-kick scene. The old reliable only worked well the first time it was used - back in 1969 when Paul Newman's Butch Cassidy made history of Ted Cassidy's family jewels. Since then, it's been dragged out by every uncreative screenwriter who hopes to get a cheap reaction from guys in the audience who cringe at the sight. The cliche itself is more painful than any kick in the balls.

There are a few genuinely funny gags, thanks mostly to the inspired casting of Alan Arkin as The Chief (though no one could replace the inimitable Edward Platt, one of TV's most underrated comic actors.) Arkin is quite funny with his slow-burn approach to every crisis, but the script can't resist going over the top by having the Chief assault the vice-president. Another welcome presence is James Caan, seen far too briefly as a Bush-like American president. Having the character come across like a boob may be like picking the low-hanging fruit, but Caan's few one-liners elicited some of the biggest laughs from the audience at the screening I attended. Dwayne Johnson (aka The Rock) is cast as a CONTROL agent in conflict with Max and while Johnson proves to be an able comedic presence, his waxen appearance makes him look like an animated character from a Madame Tussaud's exhibit. There's also a potentially hilarious cameo by Bill Murray, but the scene falls entirely flat. Similarly, the producers must have felt that two CONTROL geeks, Bruce and Lloyd (played by Masi Oka and Nate Torrence) are so funny that they've received their own straight-to-video mini-movie. The actors themselves are good, but the characters are poorly developed and not very funny. It's wonderful to see old pro Terence Stamp cast as the villain Siegfried, but the role is so weakly written that he could have been playing any generic bad guy. Making matters worse, Bernie Koppel, who played the character in the original show, makes a cameo- and you feel like shouting at the screen, "Siegfried, come back!" a la Brandon de Wilde at the end of Shane.

One hates to be cranky about Get Smart - and it is better than the big screen versions of The Wild, Wild West and I Spy (faint praise, indeed). However, when it comes equally the original series, well, sorry about that, chief- they missed it by that much. - Lee Pfeiffer

New York Daily News TV critic David Hinckley has an excellent analysis of why Get Smart and other vintage shows have held up remarkably well over the decades. To read click here

(THIS ARTICLE HAS BEEN UPDATED)

CINEMA RETRO COLUMNIST GARETH OWEN WAS INVITED TO COVER THE SCREENING OF CLINT EASTWOOD'S NEW FILM. AMONG THE SURPRISES WAS AN APPARENT TITLE CHANGE. HERE IS HIS REPORT:

By Gareth Owen, In Cannes

Clint Eastwood's latest film Changeling, is apparently now to be known as The Exchange after the director took a shine to the French translation to the original title. It premiered in competition at Cannes, and is one of the front runners for the coveted Palm d'Or award.

The Exchange restored my faith in Hollywood film-making. Everything about it is exquisite from the script, to performances, direction, settings and camerawork to the sound, music and editing. It is film-making the old fashioned way without silly camera tricks, flash cutting or shaking hand-held shots.

Eastwood has crafted the story of a mother who's son is abducted with pace, suspense, tension, horror, emotion and with it carries a startling insight in to the corrupt 1930s LA police force. Angelina Jolie, in a career best performance, plays Christine Collins - a hard working single mother in late 1920s California - who returns home from work one day to find her son has disappeared. Only after 5 months is there a lead on the case, when her young son Walter is spotted in Illinois. He is reunited to his mother by police captain J.J. Jones (Jeffrey Donovan) in front of a collection of press photographers, but she immediately says that the boy is not her son, despite him claiming to be. To save embarrassment, the police ask her to take the boy home. Days pass, and Collins' claims of the boy not being her son (confirmed by him being 3 inches shorter than Walter and also being circumcised when Walter was not) fall on dear ears in the LAPD; they are now keen to push ahead with a positive press and dismiss anyone questioning their professionalism. Collins fears that time is being wasted in not continuing the search for Walter, so she goes public. The police, keen to silence her, incarcerate her in a mental institution.

Only when community activist (John Malkovich) takes up her case do things start moving, and Collins is released. Meanwhile in the desert, another police detective - on a routine illegal child immigrant case - discovers an eerie truth that leads to a dramatic and highly engrossing conclusion.

Eastwood cements his reputation as being a master of the game with this film. It has 'Oscars' written all over it.

(Cinema Retro has been told by Universal that the title for the U.S. market officially remains Changeling, however it is still undecided whether the new title will be used when the film is released later this year.- Ed.)

FOR MORE PREMIERE COVERAGE AND PHOTOS CLICK HERE

CLINT EASTWOOD'S THE CHANGELING HAS SCREENED AT CANNES. THE ANGELINA JOLIE STARRER, SET IN THE 1920S AND BASED ON A REAL LIFE MYSTERY, HAS RECEIVED AN OUTSTANDING REVIEW FROM VARIETY. THE PAPER SAYS, "A thematic companion piece to Mystic River but more complex and far-reaching, Changeling impressively continues Clint Eastwood's great run of ambitious late-career pictures. Emotionally powerful and stylistically sure-handed, this true story-inspired drama begins small with the disappearance of a young boy, only to gradually fan out to become a comprehensive critique of the entire power structure of Los Angeles, circa 1928. Graced by a top-notch performance from Angelina Jolie, the Universal release looks poised to do some serious business upon tentatively scheduled opening late in the year." For complete review click here

NOTE: THIS ENTRY HAS BEEN UPDATED SINCE ORIGINALLY POSTED.

CINEMA RETRO EDITOR-IN-CHIEF LEE PFEIFFER WEIGHS IN WITH A REVIEW OF THE NEW INDIANA JONES FILM.

RETRO RATING: THREE STARS (OUT OF FOUR STARS)

Having just returned from a New York screening of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, I had been of the opinion that whoever was in charge of security for Paramount's publicity team should have been hired to write the script for the film. The studio kept the location of the theater secret until days before the screening, and an E mail invitation I received included this admonishment:"Please do NOT pass this info on to anyone else- invites are strictly non-transferable and people will not be admitted if they weren't directly invited." Having arrived at the designated venue, I expected a full body cavity search, but instead was greeted by some amiable Paramount staffers who kindly offered a thoughtful perk: a coupon for a free popcorn and soda. That may not sound like much, but given prices in New York theaters, it amounts to the equivalent of the average monthly mortgage payment. I should say that although Cinema Retro has objectively reported on the mixed buzz about the film, I entered the theater with great expectations and uncompromised optimism. At the film's conclusion , my own views were decidedly mixed. The movie is worse than hoped-for, but better than feared. What follows are random observations about various aspects of the film (I've tried to avoid providing any overt spoilers, but it's impossible to present a thorough review without divulging some key plot points.)

• The main problem is David Koepp's weak script, though the fault may not be entirely his. Given the fact that Harrison Ford, Steven Spielberg and George Lucas disagreed over various drafts from many writers over the years, Koepp may well have been made to include so many compromises to please all parties that the overall story was drastically impacted. The film starts out promisingly as an homage to 1950s sci-fi movies but at various points becomes a jungle adventure before transforming yet again into a fantasy with spiritual elements. This schizophrenic nature of the script deprives the movie of having an engrossing storyline. The Maguffin is that Indiana Jones has to travel to South America to locate an old colleague who has been kidnapped while searching for a fabled ancient city. However, there are so many plot elements tossed in ranging from F.B.I. investigations to space aliens that the story quickly becomes baffling and therefore unengrossing. At times, the script's "toss-in-the-kitchen sink" aspect is so confusing it makes the screenplay for The Big Sleep look as simplistic as an old Jerry Lewis movie. An hour into the film, I gave up searching for any semblance of what Indy was trying to achieve and just settled back to enjoy individual scenes such as those that call to mind the old Tarzan films and that great killer-ants-in-your pants Charlton Heston adventure The Naked Jungle.
  
• The film has opening credits...remember those? In an era in which studios believe the audience lacks the attention span to sit through this one-time mainstay of movies, it's refreshing to see a major release revert back to tradition.
• The much-anticipated first glimpse of Indy is a bit of a downer. Instead of a dramatic introduction, we first see him tossed out from the trunk of a car, a captive of Soviet agents. This matter-of-fact opener is obviously designed to imply that Indy hasn't really been out of our lives for very long, but there is no getting around his 19 year absence from the screen. Thus, hopes that he would be reintroduced in a dramatic or creative fashion are quickly doused.
• The first half hour of the film is the best. We're introduced to some intriguing characters, primarily Cate Blanchett, barely recognizable as a Soviet KGB mastermind who kidnaps Indy and forces him to locate a specific crate on a secured U.S. Army base. The box holds a secret with world-changing implications, but this plot device is quickly watered down by the introduction of many other story elements. Blanchett does make a terrific physical impression, thanks to her makeup and costuming design. She looks like a cross between 1950's dominatrix Betty Page and Cloris Leachman's Nurse Diesel. Picture Rosa Klebb without the sense of humor. Sadly, however, Blanchett's role never goes beyond the superficial and she pops in and out of the picture spouting uninventive dialogue that only B movie villain George Zucco could have done justice to.
• The movie boasts some impressive work by production designer Guy Hendrix Dyas, the best of which is seen early in the movie and doesn't involve elaborate set pieces. Rather, he manages to capture the flavor of the late 1950s with great detail, and combined with the addition of songs and styles from the era, successfully transfers the audience back in time. There are nice touches such as Elvis singing Hound Dog, drag racing teenagers, an homage to Marlon Brando as The Wild One and references to Eisenhower and McCarthyism. Sadly, most of this vanishes once Indy sets foot in the jungle and the wit that is displayed in the early scenes vaporizes as well.
• The introduction of much-touted young actor Shia LaBeouf as Indy's wise-guy fellow adventurer lives up to the hype. He has charisma to spare and acquits himself well. He should have a promising future in the industry, even if his name sounds like a sandwich choice on the menu of the Carnegie Deli. However, the character he plays still seems superfluous to the plot, despite a plot twist that is designed to make him more than a mere sidekick. However, when this device is introduced, it is so bland and predictable that I was angered at myself for not seeing it coming a half hour earlier.
• The movie has a fine supporting cast, all of whom labor in parts that are severely underwritten. It's wonderful to see Karen Allen back as Marion Ravenwood, though rumor has it that the concept of reintroducing the heroine of the first film in the series was actually the brainchild of Frank Darabont, whose script was rejected. In any event, she's as sexy and fiesty as ever and rumors that she would be relegated to a cameo are happily untrue. However, despite the fact that she and Indy still have the love/hate relationship that made their first pairing so enjoyable, this time around Marion is quickly relegated to driving speeding vehicles and screaming. You can just see the possiblities evaporate as character development and rich dialogue are shoved aside to make for the next action sequence. Similarly neglected are Ray Winstone, an old friend of Indy's, whose role is so badly written that at the end of the movie, I had no idea what side his allegiance rested with. The great John Hurt is also wasted in the role of an elderly explorer who does nothing but mumble incoherent gibberish about where the secret city is buried. The only supporting actor who registers in a major way is Jim Broadbent as Indy's dean at the university. Their all-too-brief sequences are touching and well-scripted, especially the sequence in which there is a moving tribute to characters from past films played by Denhold Elliott and Sean Connery.

• Perhaps the most disappointing aspect of the film is the complete refutation of promises made by Spielberg and Ford that this movie would use CGI effects sparingly and rely on the traditional method of shooting action sequences. (i.e using stuntmen and special effects technicians instead of computer graphics.) Ford must have confused this movie with Working Girl because the film is absolutely loaded with superflulous CGI work. Virtually every action scene is marred by an over-reliance on this technology, which tends to insure that there is no suspense whatsoever. The action sequences keep building in number and frequency to the point where they become wearying. The over-the-top aspect of these scenes reaches absurd levels and they begin to make Road Runner cartoons look like the works of Ingmar Bergman. We all want a bit of fantasy in an Indiana Jones movie, but these sequences defy any credulity. Specifically, there is a seemingly endless car chase through the dense Amazon rain forest in which the vehicles appear to be speeding down The New Jersey Turnpike. I kept waiting for a toll booth and an exit sign for Newark Airport to show up in front of them. While all of this is going on, Shia LaBoeuf and Cate Blanchett stand atop speeding jeeps and engage in a fencing match that is spectacularly phony and decidely un-thrilling.
• The villains are all one-dimensional and keep appearing inexplicably out of nowhere to capture Indy and his team. I literally lost track of how many times Indy is taken prisoner by the same bad guys, only to make implausible escapes. At least in the early going, he uses his wits to get out of danger, as evidenced in one of the movie's best scenes in which he utilizes a refrigerator as a method of escaping a nuclear blast. (However, the script is so weak that it does not explain how he can watch the explosion from a short distance away without being terminally infected with radiation!)
• With so many shortcomings, the film is carried primarily by Harrison Ford's charisma. Fears that he might be on automatic pilot on this outing are unfounded. Ironically, he gives perhaps his best performance of the franchise in this entry and seems to be having a terrific time. He seems refreshingly ageless and it's a total joy to see a 65 year-old actor paired with a 56 year-old leading lady.
• John Williams is credited with the musical score, but he obviously did nothing but mail Spielberg a CD of the Raiders of the Lost Ark soundtrack. If there is new music here, it didn't resonate with me. However the thrill of hearing the familiar theme music adds immeasurably to the film's pleasures.
• Cinematographer Janusz Kaminski replaces the late Douglas Slocombe, who shot the first three Indy films, and does an admirable job of keeping in synch with the style of his predecessor. Likewise, editor Michael Kahn refrains from recent trends of cutting action scenes to resemble music videos. The editing style is straight-forward and refreshingly traditional.

In the aggregate, there was probably no way this long-in-development sequel could have lived up to expectations. Still, the nay-sayers who predicted it would be an embarrassment have been proven wrong. The movie has enough fun moments to merit a recommendation but if the response of the audience I saw the film with is any indication (i.e virtually no laughter at the wisecracks and lukewarm applause at the end), this will probably be regarded with the same mixed evaluations as the recent Star Wars movies. If I were to compare it to the James Bond franchise, I would have to equate with Sean Connery's comeback vehicles Diamonds Are Forever and Never Say Never Again - films that fell far short of their potential, but were still entertaining. Reviewing Indiana Jones movies is like lecturing people about the health risks of Dunkin' Donuts: no matter what you say, the public is gonna buy 'em anyway. I enjoyed the film enough to assess it in a charitable manner. I won't call Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull the worst entry in the franchise. Instead, I'll say it's the fourth best. - Lee Pfeiffer

THE FOLLOWING IS CINEMA RETRO CONTRIBUTING WRITER BILL DUELLY'S COMMENTS ON THE FILM:

RETRO RATING: THREE STARS (GOOD)

Well, it was always an on again off again project over the past 18 years. Lucas, Spielberg and Ford would say it would be fun to do another Indiana Jones film if the right property came along. Thankfully, that opportunity eventually came to pass and we now have a new film from the legendary franchise.
Before I go any further, I need to state that the anticipation for this film has fortunately not been quite as over-hyped as it had been for Star Wars- Episode 1 (a weak film whose over-the-top publicity campaign only accentuated the public's disappointment with the end result.) The latest Indy feature is not a similarly weak venture; rather, it is a serious attempt to chronicle another chapter in the series of adventures that chronicle the legendary hero's life. In the pantheon of those adventures, this one falls squarely in the middle in terms of excitement and satisfaction as cinematic entertainment.

Like the recent Rocky Balboa, we look in on Indy close to two decades since his last screen adventure. He has grayed and slowed down a bit, but is still able to rise to the challenge when the the world needs his peculiar talents. Just as the five year gap between The Temple of Doom and The Last Crusade allowed for a deeper sense of maturity to develop in the character and storyline, this extended passage of time until Kingdom of the Crystal Skull also reaps similar benefits without sacrificing the thrill content.

The film marks the return of some welcome alumni from previous entries, including Karen Allen as Indy's old flame Marion Ravenwood, who provides a return to a strong female role model in an era dominated by anorexic airheads as leading ladies. Other returning veterans include composer John Williams, who turns in a great score peppered with themes from previous films, and editor Michael Kahn, who consistently keeps the action flowing at a rapid pace. Some scenes are hampered by obvious CGI effects, but they don't compromise the overall look of the film. (Remember, that the first three Indy films had their share of a few shoddy special effects.) Among the acting highlights are the performances of Shia LaBeouf, who starts out quite stiff but quickly settles into the spirit of things, and Cate Blanchett who has a wonderful time playing a KGB agent who seeks the skull for nefarious purposes. In the aggregate, Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is to be recommended, but see in on a big, wide screen in a movie theater, projected on film, not digitally - and don't wait for the DVD to experience the most welcome return of this great movie hero.

INDY SURVIVES THE WRATH OF CANNES; FILM BOWS TO GOOD RESPONSE. CLICK HERE FOR STORY

CLICK HERE FOR HOLLYWOOD REPORTER REVIEW

CLICK HERE FOR VARIETY REVIEW

CLICK HERE FOR CANNES PREMIERE PHOTOS

Every time we get full of ourselves and think we're familiar with virtually every "B" movie of the 1960s, our friends at the superb retro site Cinebeats shame us. Now they've scooped us by providing a great essay on a "B" classic we never even heard of: director Ted V. Mikel's ode to the go-go scene of 1968, The Girl in the Gold Boots. The site provides some cool clips and frame-grabs from the movie as well as a link to the director's site where you can get an autographed DVD of the film for only $10.95. To read click here

Writer Charles Taylor offers an insightful essay from Dissent magazine on the persona of John Wayne and how his work in Howard Hawks' Rio Bravo stands as arguably the best performance of his career. To read click here

Click here to read the review of the Rio Bravo special edition DVD.

Film critic James Rocchi of The Huffington Post recently took in a rare big screen showing of the classic 1964 flick Zulu and recounts its virtues. To read click here

Cinema Retro's David Savage reports from New York's Tribeca Film Festival on a new film from Italy.

Quiet Chaos (Italy)

Contrary to Quentin Tarantino's much publicized recent pronouncement that 'Italian cinema is dead' -- a sentiment echoed even inside the Italian film industry by critics who see its heyday in the once-promising 1950s and '60s -- I believe it's in a period of intense social dissection. Like films of recent years, Caterina va in città (2003), Volevo solo dormirle addosso (2004), Ricordati di me (2003), and others, Quiet Caos, a new film starring Nanni Moretti and directed by Antonello Grimaldi, reflects a crisis the country is facing on all levels: economic, political, social and spiritual. (See last December's New York Times front-page essay by Ian Fisher: In a Funk, Italy Sings an Aria of Disappointment at nytimes.com)

Based on the bestselling novel by Sandro Veronesi (Caos Calmo), Quiet Chaos examines what happens to a successful executive when he loses his wife to a tragic accident. One day, after saving the life of two women from drowning in the ocean, he arrives home only to discover his wife has suddenly died in a fall. Unable to feel the grief from his wife's death, he takes a leave from his office life to sit outside his 10-year-old daughter's school every day, from dropping her off in the morning to taking her home after school. As he waits for the grief over his wife to kick in, he spends his days sitting in his car, wandering the park and having coffee at a nearby café. His boss, fellow colleagues and relatives all come to console him but end up confiding their own pain and difficulties: office politics and backstabbing, naked ambition, cheating hearts and other ailments. Throughout it all, Pietro remains calm and becomes something of a guru to those who seek him out for his strange calm. Gradually, Pietro finds meaning in being a father and realizes something that seems to echo the national conscience: In this age of accelerating greed, venality and careerism, spontaneous acts of kindness and human decency are the most radical acts of all.-David Savage

A critic once wrote that the only value of Hell Drivers would be to those who wish to study the status of the British trucking industry in the 1950s. Yet, the intense, black-and-white low budget movie has come to define the epitome of what cult movies are. It's built quite a following around the world, primarily due to it's distinguished cast that boasted Stanley Baker, Herbert Lom and cinematic super spies-to-be Sean Connery, Patrick McGoohan and David McCallum. Writer David Cairns takes a sentimental road trip back in time to analyze the pluses and minuses of this testosterone-fueled macho drama - and to also extoll the often overlooked contributions of Stanley Baker to the British film industry. To read click here

Click here to order this DVD from Amazon U.K.

Disney film expert Wade Sampson has written an exhaustive account of the clever methods used by Walt Disney to bring his 1959 fable Darby O'Gill and the Little People to the screen. The elaborate marketing campaign included a one hour TV special about the movie and a campaign by Walt himself to convince the children of the world that leprechauns really did exist - a deception that still grates on Sampson today! The article covers some well known trivia (his starring role in the film led to Sean Connery landing the part of James Bond) and some more obscure facts (Barry Fitzgerald was to star.) Click here to read this highly entertaining analysis of one of Walt Disney's most underrated films.

Click here to order Darby O'Gill DVD edition from the Cinema Retro Amazon Store

Writer Jamie Stuart of the Movie Navigator site takes an in-depth and very poignant look at Stanley Kubrick's controversial final film, Eyes Wide Shut- and like many viewers, finds it too complex to have formed any instant opinions. The film was released in 1999, seemingly an eternity ago when Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman were Hollywood's hottest couple. To read click here

Columnist Mike White of the Detour website takes a nostalgic look back at one of the most notoriously bad horror films of all time, Night of the Lepus. The 1972 thriller involved the emergence of giant killer rabbits. Although based on a clearly satirical political novel, the film version actually played the events straight and went immediately into the history books as the kind of horror movie only Ed Wood could love. For that reason, it didn't rate high on the resumes of stars Janet Leigh, Stuart Whitman and Rory Calhoun. The Detour article also gives you the opportunity to view the trailer, which has to feature the worst, over-the-top narration in the history of motion picture marketing. To view the "hare-brained" horror story, click here.

Cracked magazine's web site has an amusing essay by Michael Swaim that lists movies that benefited from being historically inaccurate. Mel Gibson's flicks rank high on the list with Braveheart, Apolcalpyto and The Patriot, but we like the reasoning behind including Kubrick's 2001 which was released in 1968: if the filmmaker had known what the year 2001 would really be like, he might have been dismayed by the fact that it included Tim Burton's lame Planet of the Apes remake. For more click here

Film critic Kyle Smith has an excellent article in The Wall Street Journal about the impact and significance of Get Smart on pop culture. The article outlines the history of the show and has comments from its creators, Mel Brooks and Buck Henry, who wanted to combine the attributes of James Bond and Inspector Clouseau. In anticipation of this summer's eagerly-awaited (dreaded?) big screen update of the series, it's worth revisiting the roots of one of TV's greatest comedy series of all time. To read click here

Cinema Retro contributing writer Nicole Pfeiffer revisits director Franco Zeffirelli's 1967 film version of Shakespeare's The Taming of the Shrew starring Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor and finds his interpretation more suitable for thespians named Moe, Larry and Curley.

In his famous work "Poetics", Aristotle stated, “Spectacle has, indeed, an emotional attraction of its own, but, of all the parts, it is the least artistic, and connected least with the art of poetry.” If Aristotle could see Franco Zeffirelli’s 1967 film production of The Taming of the Shrew, he would surely grimace; Shakespeare would roll over in his grave. The Italian director’s adaptation of the Bard’s classic comedy in which the fortune hunting Petruccio (Richard Burton) attempts to tame the insufferable temper and tongue of his wealthy wife Katharine (Elizabeth Taylor), offers up a serving of spectacle so overwhelming that it stifles the poetic language and witty repartee for which the play is acclaimed. While the elaborate sets, costumes, and props are worthy of praise, the movie as a whole seems to resemble a prolonged Three Stooges short than it does Shakespeare’s battle of the sexes. Pratfalls abound, characters are frequently bopped on their bottoms with unwieldy objects, and the female lead ends up in a puddle of mud. It’s a miracle that no one’s head gets caught in a vice by the end of the movie. Additionally, the incessant laughter of the dimwitted servants at these antics proves as irritating and contrived as the laugh track on Friends.

The film’s spectacle parallels and perhaps contributes to an utter lack of character development or chemistry between the real-life divas of Burton and Taylor. After reading Shakespeare’s “The Taming of the Shrew” one can easily interpret Petruccio as a money-grubbing but charismatic fellow and Katharine as a shrewish but admirably clever heroine. However, from the start, Zeffirelli portrays only the worst possible aspects of these two characters: Petruchio is a stumbling and brutish drunkard while Katharine is a maniacal woman who senselessly destroys every object she can lay her hands on. In the play, when the two protagonists first meet, they engage in a battle of wills and wits that showcases Shakespeare’s revered gift for puns, banter, and wordplay. However, in the film, Zeffirelli abandons the humor of language in favor of physical comedy. Although the dialogue of the scene is in keeping with that of the play, its lines are shouted as Petruchio pursues Katharine in an outlandish chase throughout her father’s castle. As a result, jibes are lost to the squawking of geese, innuendos are drowned out by the crashing of chandeliers, and witticisms are overpowered by the creaking of a roof that gives way under the weight of the battling characters (and perhaps also that of Taylor’s liberally displayed bosom)

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Additionally, the lack of character development detracts from the film by depriving members of the audience of a hero to whom they can relate. While most people have probably found themselves faced with sexual tension, involved in a troubled relationship, or engaged in a battle of wits, I sincerely hope that a majority of audiences cannot emotionally connect with a drunken and abusive gold-digger or a hysterical and violent madwoman (however, considering the recent obsession with K-fed and Britney, this may be the case). Although certain negative characteristics humorously prevail in Shakespeare’s original work, it is possible to find some endearing qualities in Petruccio and Katherine. However, in Zeffirelli’s film the characters are so unwaveringly despicable that it is impossible to feel pangs of sympathy for either or even root for the triumph of one over the other. Furthermore, by creating such flat characters, Zeffirelli also wastes the talent of his stars. While Elizabeth Taylor proved her abilities to play a nuanced and realistic shrew both in the 1966 film Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? and in her real life escapades with Burton, in the movie, she only smiles or shrieks depending on the bipolar whims of her character.

However, in all fairness, the problems of the production are not entirely the fault of Zeffirelli but also, gasp, those of the Bard himself. For one, Zeffirelli’s decision to tone down the dialogue and play up the pratfalls may result from the fact that many of the puns and double entendres used by Shakespeare no longer translate to the modern world. Indeed, a movie cannot include footnotes that politely indicate that a seemingly inane term actually implied “to have sexual intercourse.” Additionally, Zeffirelli may have relied on physical comedy as a means of exaggerating the cruelty of Petruccio toward Katherine in order to portray it as absurd rather than realistic. Indeed, while taming a wife may have been a subject ripe for comedy in the early seventeenth century, the ideas of verbal and domestic abuse, no matter how they are presented, thankfully provoke more skeptical reactions in today’s society. While Ben Jonson’s claim that Shakespeare “was not of an age, but for all time,” may hold true, it seems that “The Taming of the Shrew” was in fact for an age long ended.

Among the countless spgaghetti westerns made in the wake of the Clint Eastwood/ Sergio Leone "Dollars" trilogy were the Sartana films starring Gianni Garko. Like many Italian stars, his name was changed to make it seem as though these were American westerns. Thus, "Gianni" became "John". The films presented the actor, who resembled Eastwood, as a combination Man with No Name and James Bond, who used hi tech weaponry to thwart his enemies. The series of Sartana films included some of those wonderful spaghetti western titles such as If You Meet Sartana, Pray for Your Death and Sartana is Here...Trade Your Pistol for a Coffin! The web site Johnny LaRue's Crane Shot has an informative and entertaining look at this little-known series of westerns. To read click here

The Sartana westerns are available from Wild East Video. To order click here

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As ardent lovers of anything relating to New York City, we love to look back on how the city was presented in films. The movies shot there in the 1970 evoked a true-to-life era of out of control crime and paranoia - a far cry from today when crime is at the lowest point in the last half-centry. Along with Death Wish and Taxi Driver, another film that resonated with audiences of the day was the gang warfare film The Warriors, released in 1979. Writer Deborah Lipp provides a brief but insightful look back on the movie with some unexpected references to Greek mythology and Beneath the Planet of the Apes! To read click here

Artist and designer Saul Bass was one of the most influential forces (along with Maurice Binder) in the field of designing main titles for movies. Prior to Bass, most main titles were pedantic and unimaginative. Bass, however, brought an element of modern art into his work. The images were often minimalist but always powerful. Bass also designed many classic film posters including such films as Anatomy of a Murder,West Side Story, Exodus and In Harm's Way. The poster for the latter was particularly off-beat considering it was a big budget war movie top-lining John Wayne and Kirk Douglas. However, instead of taking the obvious road and showing depictions of these two great stars, Bass opted to use a simply white outline of an admiral's sleeve pointing ominously in an easterly direction.

Similarly, Bass minimalist design of a dead body for Anatomy of a Murder was so compelling that Spike Lee "borrowed" virtually the exact same design for his film Clockers. When the media noticed the similarity, Lee called it a tribute to Bass while Bass himself said it was a rip-off of his work. Among Bass' greatest triumphs was the extended main title sequence for It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World. The brilliantly designed cartoon went on long enough to qualify as a short film and remains one of the most memorable aspects of the 1963 hit. The web site Not Coming to a Theater Near You presents a superb collection of in-depth essays and illustrations pertaining to all of the movies Bass designed the titles for. To read click here

After Peter Lawford fell afoul of Frank Sinatra's sentiments and was booted from The Rat Pack, the only Sinatra crony who stood by him was Sammy Davis Jr. Lawford, whose career never quite reached high gear, had been battling personal demons including alcohol abuse. Eager to booster his dwindling star status, he teamed with Davis for a late 1960s spy spoof titled Salt & Pepper. The big gag was that Lawford was Pepper and Davis was Salt. The film was successful enough to spawn a sequel, One More Time that was directed by Jerry Lewis. Writer John McElwee of the excellent web site Greenbriarpictureshows has an interesting look at the film incorporated in an article about high profile screen duos. The article contains some rare images including the soundtrack album (with great Jack Davis artwork) and a Japanese poster that sells the movie as a straight spy thriller. To read click here

British correspondent Steve Saragossi pays tribute to one of the unsung superstars of the 1970s.

The Seventies cinema was many things, the decade of the blockbuster, the disaster movie, the conspiracy thriller, and it was also the decade of the Superstar - with a capital “S”. Clint Eastwood, Steve McQueen, Burt Reynolds, Charles Bronson – you couldn’t pick up a movie magazine without seeing that word prefixed before their names.

The word guaranteed a lot of things, certainly a green light on any film they signed their names to, as well as generally assured big box office. One thing it didn’t automatically mean was believability in a given role, a certain honesty that penetrated from screen to audience, and an acting style that easily accommodated drama, comedy, sci fi, westerns, musicals, blockbusters and stark intense character studies. One Superstar however, did manage this, and his name is James Caan.

Critic Andy Young of Matchflick.com has posted an interesting article about his choices for the top ten movie endings of all time. These lists are always sure to generate controversy, but while Young ignores some of the more obvious choices (Gone With the Wind, The Wizard of Oz, Citizen Kane, Psycho) his favorites are certainly all worthy of serious consideration. To read the article click here

Cinema Retro is happy to welcome London film journalist Steve Saragossi to the ranks of our contributors. Steve's first column covers the cult classic Crack in the World.

As a 46 year old Londoner, writing in these pages, you can appreciate that I have extremely fond memories of the films that helped form the foundation for such affectionate nostalgia for the movies of the sixties and seventies.

The last thirty years have seen seismic (ahem) changes in the way we enjoy our leisure time, and a 13 year old in 1974 and one in 2006 would probably not recognise each other as coming from the same planet. Back then, it was simple, you played outside or you watched what BBC’s 1, 2 and ITV had to offer. Looking back in hindsight, there’s something reassuring about that lack of choice. For instance, it made you see films you normally wouldn’t have bothered with, it engendered patience, as you couldn’t fast forward or pause. There was there was the excitement of looking forward to something - no instant gratification here! Also, there was an almost subconscious reassurance, something now known as a water-cooler moment, in that when I sat down to watch, say, “Batman”, I knew that all my mates were glued to their Rediffusions at the same time, perhaps more a water-fountain moment.

Also, our viewing habits have fundamentally changed. Prior to the seventies, we watched a wide array of programming, because there wasn’t a plethora of channels to entice you away, hell there wasn’t even a remote control. You could (because there was no choice) sit down and watch a variety programme, a documentary about WWII, a film you’d never heard of, a comedy sketch show, and a new drama. All this would unfurl before you, and you’d just soak it up, some good, some bad, some revelatory. But because of the available technology attentions spans were trained to give things a chance.

Here's an insightful and highly amusing list of reasons to see Woody Allen's 1979 classic love sonnet to New York City, Manhattan (as though Gordon Willis' magnificent black and white cinematography isn't enough!)

Click here to read

Our friends at Fulvue-Drive In have sent us a link to an excellent essay by Nicholas Sheffo that explores the making of F.W. Murnau's landmark vampire film Nosferatu as well as its enduring legacy in the international cinema. Sink your teeth into it by clicking here

CLICK HERE TO ORDER NOSFERATU- THE ULTIMATE 2 DISC DVD EDITION FROM THE CINEMA RETRO AMAZON STORE

He may be Shemp to Bruce Lee's Curley, but Sonny Chiba has carved a loyal niche for himself among fans of martial arts movies. Turner Classic Movies offers an appreciation of his 1974 cult film The Bodyguard. To read click here

It looked like the perfect, can't-miss film for early 1980s audiences. Pair the two top box-office attractions of recent years - Clint Eastwood and Burt Reynolds - in a prohibition era comedy/action film reminiscent of The Sting. What went wrong? The question should be: what didn't go wrong? The film underwent a number of pre-production problems that saw several title changes (it was originally called Kansas City Jazz) and the departure of original director Blake Edwards over "creative differences". Richard Benjamin replaced him, but by then the script was a scattershot affair with the fingerprints of numerous contributors, each of whom seemed to have a different vision of the story. The film marked the decline of Burt Reynolds, both in terms of popularity and physically. Reynolds suffered a severe injury when a stunt went wrong. He entered a long period of poor health as he tried to recover, but also had to cope with mean-spirited rumors that he had AIDS. (This was during the period in which Rock Hudson succumbed to the dreaded disease.) The movie was a rare flop for Eastwood, but we always feel that as disappointing as the film is on many levels, it has a certain charm highlighted by the byplay between Eastwood and Reynolds, the latter of whom gives a deft, comedic performance. Writer Nathan Rabin on the web site the AV Club has a more jaundiced look at the end result. To read his analysis of how this "can't-miss" project missed by a mile, click here

What do Charles Foster Kane of Citizen Kane and Michael Corleone of The Godfather have in common beside being portrayed by brilliant actors? Plenty, according to writer Timothy Sexton who presents an intriguing essay detailing the tragic parallels in both characters' lives. To read click here

Deborah Lipp, author of The Ultimate James Bond Fan Book, sets her sites on analyzing the acclaimed western The Long Riders and takes issue with at least one "factual" aspect of the script concerning Belle Starr, whores, and ...well, read it yourself by clicking here.

It was a half century ago that director David Lean and stars William Holden, Alec Guiness, Jack Hawkins and Sessue Hayakawa made movie history with their Oscar-winning masterpiece The Bridge on the River Kwai. Mumbai-based writer Rajgopal Nidamboor revisits the classic film in this exclusive article for Cinema Retro.

David Lean’s magnum opus, The Bridge on the River Kwai, made exactly 50 years ago, wasn’t just a movie, it’s a sublime epic.The film’s award-winning cinematography, as well as other breathtaking elements, was a landmark achievement. The story touched on themes of human brutality, ingenuity, pathos, ego, dignity, and the meaningless medley of war.. The film was produced with a (then) whopping budget of $3 million. However, on its first run alone, TBRK grossed a staggering $30 million. That the wartime tale went on to win seven Academy Awards, including Best Actor for Sir Alec Guinness, is now part of film lore. If Guinness revelled in his monumental role as Colonel Nicholson, his histrionic brilliance in the movie may have also played a major part in hastening his elevation to knighthood. Talk of the effect of the silver screen!

Here's a concise but on-the-mark appreciation of Sergio Leone's films by Robert Sutton of www.popcornjunkies.com Sutton provides entertaining capsule reviews of The Maestro's major films and correctly points out that, although some were not box-office successes, all were major artistic achievements in their own way. Click here to read

Just came across a very amusing blog by Jeffrey Shaffer on The Huffington Post site. Shaffer perceptively points out that all science fiction perceptions of what we'll look like in the future seem to be trending wrong - particularly the prediction that future embodiments of human beings would sport big heads (Donald Trump not withstanding). Shaffer says we were misled by those immortal images of David McCallum in The Sixth Finger episode of The Outer Limits Richard Kiel's To Serve Man episode of The Twilight Zone - and hell, we won't even get into all those Lex Luthor appearances in the Superman comics. It's about time this scandal is exposed for what it is: a vast bald, wing consipiracy to make those with a bare pate synonymous with great intelligence. (Again, Benito Mussolini and Curly not withstanding) Check it out by clicking here

Since 1967, movie fans have debated a classic scene from director Luis Bunuel's film Belle de Jour which casts Catherine Deneueve as a bored housewife who takes a day job in a brothel. In the film's most memorable scene, an Asian client presents her with a small, buzzing box presumably to be used in a kinky sex act. Bunuel frustrated audiences by never explaining the contents of the box and movie fans have long pondered what exactly the client had in mind. Personally, if it involved insects, we're rather glad he never spelled it out. We can barely stomach the prospect of Vincent Price having been turned into The Fly. Our friend Kimberly Lindbergs has an interesting article on her very addictive classic movies blog www.cinebeats.com that brings the Belle de Jour debate to the fore. Click here to read

Did You ever imagine what life must have been like in Rome during the era of Fellini's La Dolce Vita?  Shirley Sealy doesn't have to - she lived it. As a young woman influenced by the new era of films in which females were seen as independent, adventurous travelers, Shirley left Denver, Colorado on a whim to move to Rome. She had no friends there, no job- only a few names of potential contacts scribbled down. Somehow, she not only managed to survive, but thrive and was quickly engulfed in the wonderful madness that was Rome in the early 1960s. During her time there, Fellini's ground-breaking film opened - and revolutionized not only the world of cinema but other key aspects of society ranging from fashion to sex. 

In issue #8 of Cinema Retro, Shirley (who went on to become a respected film critic and author) relives her experiences and publishes an excerpt from an essay she wrote at the time she was living  La Dolce Vita. We truly believe that Cinema Retro attracts the finest film scholars and writers anywhere. This excerpt from Shirley Sealy's 1961 essay proves the point:

Hours spent at the Café de Paris, in the afternoon for aperitivos, at night for coffee and brandy and crowd watching….Short, narrow Via Margutta, my home away from home, and the Taverna there, with Columbo, the elderly proprietor, card player and admirer of women….Of course, all Italian men are admirers of women….The constant summertime circus of parties, wine, conversations in several languages, espresso bars and sports cars....Thrill of thrills—riding in a Maserati with a handsome Italian aristocrat (a count, he said) and finding a parking spot right in front of the tables at Doney’s….To Davy’s Blue Room, a popular bar downstairs at the Colony (the best hamburgers in town), to mingle with the expat movie, newspaper and embassy people….Sunday excursions with Italian friends to the beach at Fregene, to sit on the sand and eat raw mussels out of plastic bags….To the small trattorias in Trastevere, with their seafood stench and crazy ways to disguise squid…An elegant feast at a grand restaurant on the grounds of a palazzo on Monte Mario, with torches hung in the trees and mandolin players strolling by, and me in an off-the-shoulder, crinoline-skirted black silk, with my new guy—my new French/American guy—in his tux….Or, on other nights, the two of us dancing at the nightclub barges of the Tevere, along with the Pincio prostitutes—in their beehive hairdos and short, flower-printed dresses— having a grand time with their clients or their pimps….Walking down the Spanish steps while marveling at a spectacular red-gold sunset behind the dome of St. Peter’s….Riding in a horse drawn carriage through the magnolia-lined lane in Borghese Gardens… Midnight walks to see the floodlit ancient collosseo, and touch its cold, ancient stones while listening to fountains dripping in the ancient Foro Romano….Flirting madly with gorgeous Italian men, preening dandies all, who loiter on the sidewalks and call out “ciao, bella, ciao….you wanna make a walk?”….Too little sleep, too much wine. In Roma, la vita e troppo dolce…

FOR SHIRLEY SEALY'S COMPLETE ARTICLE AND HER REFLECTIONS ON FELLINI'S FILM , SEE CINEMA RETRO ISSUE #8

We once received a letter from a subscriber who said that while Cinema Retro is his favorite film magazine, the content was best suited for a magazine titled Cinema Hetero. We confess to being guilty of over-emphasizing stories that tend to favor middle-aged, straight white guys because...er...our magazine is put together by two middle aged, straight white guys. However, our new web site has liberated us to expand our horizons and be more inclusive with our content. Let's face it...straight guys see hints of lesbianism in everything including the Ginger and Maryann scenes from Gilligan's Island. Are these just absurd fantasies or are there really intentional, latent homoerotic images in some of our most cherished films and TV series?

Journalist Diana Blackwell examines this scenario as it pertains to one of the most beloved war films of all time, the 1964 epic Zulu which recounted the legendary stand by a small number of British soldiers against an overwhelming number of Zulu warriors. In England, this is the equal of the American's Alamo - only with a happy ending. In this analysis, Ms. Blackwell examines latent homoerotic images in the film. Is this simply a case of a female perceiving homoerotic fantasies that don't reflect the intended content of a film or has she uncovered some hidden messages in oft-viewed classic adventure story? You can judge for yourself - but we think this article will tempt you to view Zulu again just to examine her thoroughly-researched conclusions. At the very least, Ms. Blackwell's article about Zulu gives an all new perspective to "keeping the British end up."

Introduction

Zulu has always seemed like a sexy movie to me despite its lack of love scenes or romantic subplots. The sexiness has little to do with Zulu’s few scenes of women: the bare-breasted Zulu girls aren’t onscreen for very long, while the missionary’s daughter, Miss Witt, is buttoned-up in every way. ¹ No, Zulu is sexy because of its men and the subtly homoerotic quality of their interactions.

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away movie posters were actually considered works of art. The artists who created them were allowed to let their imaginations run wild and even B movies often boasted posters with magnificent artwork. Today, however, that era is all but gone. Movie posters generally consist of bland head shots of the stars and look like they were created by a high school apprentice working on a scanner during lunch break. In this exclusive article for Cinema Retro, Sim Branaghan, author of the new book British Film Posters: An Illustrated History, celebrates a bygone era in which movie fans would salivate over posters of forthcoming films.

Where does any love-affair with the cinema really begin? Mine, unfortunately, appears to have begun with the Christmas 1970 reissue of Mary Poppins at Walsall’s ABC cinema – or at least, it did according to my mother. Being then just a few weeks short of my fourth birthday, I have no recollection of the trip. But things improved as the years passed – The Golden Voyage of Sinbad, Island At the Top of the World, At the Earth’s Core, Star Wars, Warlords of Atlantis, and many others were cheerfully enjoyed in the faded glamour of local Black Country fleapits like the Wolverhampton Odeon, Dudley Plaza, and West Bromwich Kings, all now sadly long-vanished.

One thing you couldn’t ignore about these films, while queuing patiently outside to get in (remember that?) were their posters – glorious full-colour paintings, often tending to depict Doug McClure being menaced by an irritable dinosaur. They were frequently more memorable than the films themselves.

by Bill Duelly

What seems like a very long time ago in a galaxy not so far away… (New Jersey, in fact) I saw a movie in the summer of 1977 that would end up as a part of my life, becoming a part of our society and influencing/affecting many others as well. I’m sure many will find some parallels in their own life experiences. So let’s start back thirty years ago and relive the Star Wars experience...New Jersey style!