By Lee Pfeiffer
I rarely watch episodic TV simply because I'm generally working on a project and don't have the time to actually sit in front of the boob tube. Besides, there hasn't been anything worth watching since the Clinton administration - and even when there is an exception, the mind-numbing amount of commercials make me feel like I've just undergone a lobotomy. Thus, I've grown addicted to political debate shows because I can pump up the volume and not have to actually watch the TV. However, tonight I made an exception and periodically got up to see a show that came on NBC called The Marriage Ref. The only reason I had any interest at all is because it was produced by the great Jerry Seinfeld and the opening episode featured that show's co-creator Larry David along with Ricky Gervais and Madonna. As I watched slack-jawed, Larry David said "This has to be the most uncomfortable hour I've ever spent." This was at the half hour mark, but he could be forgiven for thinking it seemed like an hour. It must rank as some kind of grand achievement to take three ultra talented people and put them into a situation that was less amusing than those old high school health films about preventing venereal disease.
The premise of
The Marriage Ref is that "real couples" (the first tell-tale clue that these people don't resemble anyone who lives in your neighborhood) gripe on camera about some annoying trait or habit that is driving one spouse away from the other. The celebrities hear both sides of the story then vote, along with the show's host and "referee", a man I never heard of named Tom Papa described as "a stand-up comedian personally chosen by Jerry Seinfeld." Well, that great acting legend Klinton Spilsbury must have been equally excited when he was "personally chosen" by the producers of the big budget turkey
The Legend of the Lone Ranger -and we all remember what a great gig that was for his career.Â
It was cringe-inducing watching three of the hippest people on the planet pretend to be amused by the premise, which was stale within seconds. Worse, the producers don't just let the couples kvetch about each other, but force them to "spontaneously" recreate real life fights, presumably oblivious to the full camera crew following them around the house. Scenarios include a middle-aged woman who is withholding sex from her husband until he cleans up the mess he makes around the house. The fact that simply tidying up isn't an incentive to get her to lift the ban speaks volumes about the quality of her sexual prowess. If living in a dump would ensure this woman stayed away from me, I'd empty a full garbage truck in the living room. In another episode, a dopey wife insists on pampering a full-grown pet iguana at the expense of her husband's affections. Then again, if you were married to this guy, you'd also rather be spending your time knitting Santa Claus costumes for an iguana. Throughout all of this disaster, David, Gervais and Madonna gamely tried to soldier on, all the while practically checking their watches. In the show's big "Yuck!" moment, a middle-aged wimp of a man is lectured by his dominating mother about having more sex with his wife. It was Portnoy's Complaint Redux.Throughout all of this, the audience roared with laughter, but I don't trust my own ears. After all, this is NBC, the same network that admitted artificially adding laughter after the fact to Sarah Palin's recent stand-up routine on The Tonight Show to make it appear she had gone over better than she had.
You have to wonder if all those years in self-imposed retirement hasn't dulled Seinfeld's comedic sensibilities. This is precisely the kind of show he would have mocked on his classic sitcom. One hopes he has the grace of Jackie Gleason, who once hosted a lame game show called You're in the Picture. Gleason was so embarrassed by the experience that he canceled his own show after the first episode and famously went on the air the following week to formally apologize to the audience. We can only hope Seinfeld shows similar class and puts this dog out of its misery quickly.