RETRO-ACTIVE: THE BEST ARTICLES FROM CINEMA RETRO'S ARCHIVES
It's no secret that American actors have been making TV commercials for the Japanese market for decades. In years past, there was little chance these would be seen in English-speaking countries where it would have been considered tacky for stars of great magnitude to appear as pitchmen for various products. However, the age of the Internet has opened up a King Tut's tomb of buried video treasures including a real gem featuring Charles Bronson in a bizarre TV spot that looks like it was funded by the old gay erotic magazine Blueboy. That's right - the most macho of leading men appeared in an ad that looks like an outtake from William Friedkin's Cruising.
Cinema Retro's Dean Brierly plays Jimmy Olsen to investigate this rarity: but first check out the video by clicking here
Once Upon a Time in the East, Charles Bronson was the pitchman on a Japanese TV commercial that we suspect he felt would never be seen by western audiences...
BY DEAN BRIERLY
The year 1970 was a hot one for Charles Bronson. After grinding away for decades as Hollywood’s toughest character actor, he was on the cusp of international superstardom thanks to a breakout performance in Sergio Leone’s Once Upon a Time in the West and several gritty Eurocrime films. 1970 was also the year that a Japanese corporation sought a Hollywood star to headline an ad campaign for its new line of “Mandom†men’s-care products. Whether through fate, serendipity or cocaine-fueled inspiration, Mandom and Bronson were brought together in a brilliant conflation of the actor’s self-aware hyper-masculinity and over-the-top Japanese film aesthetics. The result was the most mind-blowing television commercial to ever scorch the airwaves.
The spot begins with a close-up of a pianist feeling his way through a bluesy, cocktail lounge number oozing with after-hours ambience. The camera slowly pulls back to reveal a nattily attired Bronson sitting alone in a swank nightclub elegantly defined by heavy curtains, soft lighting and tables discreetly spaced for romantic tête-à -tête. Bronson isn’t seated at one of the tables, however, but at the piano, where he directs a disturbingly intimate smile at the piano player as his gravelly voiceover intones: “All the world loves a lover. All the world loves…Mandom!†The homoerotic emanations are already starting to thrum.
There’s a quick dissolve as Bronson strolls out of the club, where he’s greeted by bit-part actor Percy Helton playing Sam the doorman. (Helton was the obsequious pipsqueak in countless films, most famously Kiss Me Deadly, in which Ralph Meeker slams Helton’s hand in a drawer until he screams like a little girl.) Helton is at his slobbery, sycophantic best as he escorts the icon to his car, whereupon Bronson claps the little guy on the back in a gesture of masculine bonhomie and wishes him good night. “Thank you, Mr. Bronson,†Helton fawningly responds, his tongue practically up Bronson’s arse. “Goodnight, Mr. Bronson. Sleep tight!†Helton then cackles insanely as Chuck zooms off into the night to the swelling strains of a Love Boat-style chorus. Buñuel couldn’t have staged this scene any better.
Another dissolve shows Bronson dramatically entering his penthouse and immediately begin undoing his tie as a Jack Jones-type croons the Mandom theme song. After selecting his favorite pipe from his pipe rack, Bronson strips off his shirt and with a quick pirouette flings it into the air as if he’s auditioning for a road show of The Sound of Music. His pecs proudly displayed, Bronson struts over to his Mandom shrine, grabs a phallic-shaped can of aftershave and spins the top off to the sound of spaghetti western-style gunshots. If the ad had ended at this point, it would still be the defining moment of Bronson’s career. But there’s more. Oh, so much more.
As Bronson starts slathering on the Mandom like he’s taking a shower in it, there are several quick cutaways to shots of his inner cowboy—tricked out in fancy fringed buckskin—fanning the hammer of a Colt pistol in a flurry of manly action poses. As if that weren’t enough surrealism for thunderstruck television viewers, an off-screen stallion starts whinnying like he’s about to mount a filly. (Or maybe that’s just the sound Bronson makes during the physical act of love.) Having fully marinated himself in Mandom, Bronson leans back in his leather easy chair, pornstache impeccably groomed, and narcissistically caresses his face as he pours every ounce of his artistry into the ad’s tag line: “Ummm. Mandom!â€
Even repeated viewings of this two-minute slice of television nirvana can’t diffuse the Mandom magic, something that can’t be said about all of Bronson’s subsequent cinematic endeavors. It’s sheer class on every level: from the A-game performances of Bronson and Helton to the overwhelming homoeroticism to the impeccable evocation of a superficial, sybaritic lifestyle. It’s impossible to single out a defining money shot, as every frame dazzles with a brilliance that Orson Welles could only dream of. Perhaps the best part is the ending, with Bronson sitting alone in his tastefully decorated apartment and nary a female in sight. The narrative implications are left intriguingly open-ended, but as far as I’m concerned, he’s saving his money shot for Sam and the piano player.
Rush is a band that has been playing live since 1968 and recording and touring since 1974.They rank just behind The Beatles and the Rolling Stones for the most consecutive gold or platinum studio album sales.They have toured the globe many times over in support of their 19 studio albums and have played to millions of people for 36 years.Despite all of this, little is known about this Canadian rock group outside of the circles of their most ardent fans. Rush is comprised of three fairly private individuals who don’t think of themselves as interesting enough to warrant media scrutiny.Fortunately, there are those who disagree. Among them are filmmakers Sam Dunn and Scot McFadyen, both Rush fans who met with the Holy Rock Triumvirate in August 2007 during a stop in Dallas, TX while on tour in support of their “Snakes and Arrows†album. During the visit, they convinced Rush that they should be the subject of their next documentary film.Having previously made several films about the world of heavy metal music – Metal: A Headbanger’s Journey (2005), Global Metal (2008), and Iron Maiden: Flight 666 (2009) – the filmmakers wanted to tell the story behind this incredible rock band, and how they have managed to not only last but flourish in an industry that can easily cripple and destroy other bands.
Lead singer and bassist Geddy Lee, guitarist Alex Lifeson, and drummer/lyricist Neil Peart are center stage in Rush: Beyond the Lighted Stage, which premiered on April 24, 2010 as part of the ninth annual Tribeca Film Festival in New York City, and is now available on a double-disc DVD and single-disc Blu-Ray.Running nearly two hours in length, the audience is taken on an awe-inspiring, entertaining and informative journey documenting the history and philosophy of Rush.There are many musicians of various backgrounds who lend their thoughts on what Rush means to them, among them Gene Simmons of Kiss (Rush used to open for them in the 1970’s), Mike Portnoy of Dream Theater, Jack Black of Tenacious D, Billy Corrigan of Smashing Pumpkins, and Sebastian Bach, to name a few.
“Let me get this straight, Noah. It Takes a Thief is finally out on DVD?â€
“That’s right, Al. There’s just one catch — it’s
available only in Germany. A company called Polyband just listed Season One on
Amazon’s German affiliate.â€
“Terrific.â€
“Granted, you’ll need a region-free DVD player to
watch the discs. But the good news is that the language options include
English.â€
“You sold me, Noah. Where’s my laptop?â€
The Backstory
Yep, it’s finally happened. The coolest TV show
never to be released on DVD has at long last entered the digital domain. Not in
this country, of course. License holder Universal is still hedging its bets
regarding the American market, for reasons known only to fools and madmen. It
took the Germans, for crying out loud, to recognize the commercial DVD
potential of It Takes a Thief, the
action-adventure series that ran from 1968 to 1970 and starred Robert Wagner in
his career-defining role as Alexander Mundy, master thief, international
playboy and smooth cat extraordinaire.
Besides being must-see TV in the States, the series
also proved a hit in Germany, where it debuted on November 18, 1969 under the
title Ihr Auftritt, Al Mundy! (Rough
translation: Your Appearance, Al Mundy!)
One of the reasons for its popularity there was due to the dubbing, which made
the lines funnier than they were actually written. This lighter approach was
also reflected in some of the episode titles. “A Thief is a Thief†was
Germanized to “A Chance for the Playboy,†and “A Spot of Trouble†became “More
Champagne for the Ladies.â€
The show’s premise was ingenious and irresistible:
Mundy was cooling his heels in San Jobel Prison when Noah Bain, head of the
secretive SIA spy agency, offered Al a get-out-of-jail card on the condition
that he thieve for the government. Bain, played with gruff authority by Malachi
Throne, regularly dispatched Al to glamorous European locales to steal secret
formulas, defense papers, kidnapped scientists, and whatever else the SIA
needed to appropriate in the interest of national security. Naturally, Mundy
found time to purloin more than a few feminine hearts along the way. The result
was a unique blend of crime and espionage that set the show apart from anything
else on the television landscape.
Wagner’s charisma was, of course, integral to the
show’s appeal. He was 38 when the series debuted (though he looked a decade
younger), and had matured from the callow actor of the early 1950s into a
versatile and sophisticated performer. Wagner’s physical grace allowed him to
convincingly handle the show’s action imperatives — scrambling cat burglar
fashion up and down buildings, throwing down with international spies and
criminals, and sweeping an endless succession of nubile females off their
lovely feet. Wagner maintained an unimpeachable cool in and out of trouble, and
had few equals in the art of repartee. The show’s writers gave him plenty of
opportunities to showcase the latter ability. Here’s a typical example from the
Season One episode “When Thieves Fall Inâ€:
Alexander Mundy:
“What happened?â€
Charlene Brown: “Chloroform with a vodka
chaser.â€
Mundy: “You’re not supposed to spray that
stuff on yourself!â€
Malachi Throne provided brilliant support as Noah
Bain, a gruff, tough badass with no compunctions about sending Mundy into the
most desperate and dangerous circumstances; yet who invariably had Al’s back
when the chips were down. The series’ guest stars were the cream of the
Hollywood crop, from seasoned veterans like Ida Lupino (“Turnaboutâ€) to
promising newcomers like Susan St. James (“It Takes One to Know Oneâ€) and Bill
Bixby (“To Steal a Battleshipâ€). The series’ creative DNA also boasted clever,
literate scripts; inventive direction; quality production values; and Dave
Grusin’s hipper-than-hip theme tune. Throughout its three-year run, It Takes a Thief effortlessly blended
action, suspense, humor and style into a potent televisual cocktail that
retains its intoxicating appeal four decades after its debut.