Johnny Carson used to have a real crowd pleaser when he simply read verbatim from certain movie descriptions in the TV Guide. If you thought that the idiots who wrote these embarrassing descriptions had long been retired, the bad news is that their kids are carrying on the tradition. Our new feature looks at some of the worst-written capsule movie descriptions offered on cable services. In our case, it's Cablevision, one of the biggest cable TV giants in the USA. Memo to the top brass: you might allocate just a smidgen of the tens of millions in yearly profits to invest in people who are at least partially literate.
We premiere the feature with ....drumroll, please!...The description of the 1958 B horror movie, Blood of the Vampire. Here is the write-up you get to induce you to watch the film:
"A couple enter the asylum of a mad vampire doctor and his one-eyed assistant with bangs, Carl."
While we're happy to be notified that this particular vampire doctor is mad, as opposed to serving in a humanitarian capacity, we don't know what is supposed to scare us more about his assistant:
1. that he has one eyeÂ
2. he has bangs
3. he is named Carl
Presumably, taken individually, each of these characteristics are tolerable - but put them all together and watch out!
Coming next: Planet of the Apes!