When Bartholdi, the French sculptor of The Statue of Liberty beseeched the nations of the world to send America "the wretched refuse of your teeming shore", we doubt he would have written these noble words if he had foreseen they might someday have pertained to Heather Mills. Our friends across the pond have been sending us more undesirable aliens than can be seen in all versions of Invasion of the Bodysnatchers, what with the Beckhams and Heather Mills already on U.S. soil. Now the soon to be ex-Mrs. Paul McCartney has released a statement that has struck Cinema Retro like a shot across the bow - she is now lashing out against unfriendly media outlets that have failed to show sympathy for her in the campaign she is waging against Sir Paul. She has threatened to punish these networks and newspapers by denying them access to her daily rants. She is most peeved because she believes she is being ridiculed for her statements saying milk should not be fed to children because it causes anxiety to cows! It's pretty difficult to work up an attitude against a person who has successfully overcome a physical handicap, but Mills doesn't have a leg to stand on in the court of public sympathy - though we have to admit that no single female has provided this much laughter to the world since the late, great Gracie Allen.
Now what the hell does all this have to do with Cinema Retro? Well, since virtually every major media outlet in the world delights in mocking Mills, within days they should all be on her "banned" list. Since Mills enjoys the spotlight so much that she strikes a pose every time she opens the refrigerator door, it occurred to us that she might find that we are the only website left in the world that hasn't been put on her blacklist. To forestall any possibility of being approached by Mills, we'll put the fix in right now. We're heading straight out to enjoy about 24 ounces of dead cow at the local Longhorn Saloon restaurant, then return and watch a marathon of Rawhide episodes. To top it off, we'll make sure we have up our "Paul is Fab!" poster from the 1960s. Short of using a cross and garlic, we can't think of a more effective way of protecting our readers.- Lee Pfeiffer